Home | Advice
By Elaine Sihera Q. I have just found out that my boyfriend (now ex!) has been cheating on me with a friend. This bastard, who wasted a year of my life, has agreed to finish it. I am so upset I have asked all my friends to diss him. (CarmenH) A. Can I ask you a special favour, Carmen? Don't go there! Please. You were very happy in those 12 months and that's what you should focus on. People come into our lives for one of 4 reasons, but we burden each meeting with expectations of permanence. When that doesn't happen, we get angry. But that person has done their job and left. We should learn from it and move on knowing someone even better is likely to be in the wings; not wallow in its negativity. You should not vilify others just because it has not worked out. That only says more about you and your need to control than the other person. Often when we are hurt, we immediately forget what that person gave us or what they contributed to our lives. We focus just on the awful bits and seek revenge. But what you should keep your eye on is this: He came into your life at a point when you needed him. He was there for you for 12 months of joy until you found out about him. You both decided to let it lie. Don't put him down now, otherwise, you also put tourself down in the process and that is not attractive because you also sink to his level. Be generous and better than he was by thanking him for being there for you, while adding that you feel sad that he was not more honest, but that's life. He has only betrayed himself and his values, not yours. He has merely disappointed your expectations. In this way, you also keep your dignity and respect. EVERYTHING we give out in life comes back to us in the future, as night follows day. If you carry on railing against him, someone will come into your life later who wil treat you even worse. It is called the Law of Attraction. You cannot attract positive people if you spend your time being negative. So please don't go there. Carmen, it takes two for a relationship and each person has to be who they are. People cannot be who you want them to be. Just because he has violated your expectations does not make him any less of a person in deserving of some dignity. When we take up animosity against another it simply drags us down too, reduces our credibility and makes us no better than that person. He did not waste any time in your life. You also had the choice to move away from him at any point. You didn't, because you liked him too and what you were getting. Give thanks for someone coming into your life to love you. Many people will never have that opportunity. His love would have changed you in some way. Try to focus on the future now and leave him alone in your past. It is always difficult to recover from betrayal. But if we keep an eye on the positive things, we move on much quicker instead of allowing our lives to be eaten up and destroyed by anger. What many people fail to realise with relationships is that life is a journey and every person we meet is designed to propel us forward on that journey to the next station, to fulfil our potential and aspirations even more. Very few are there to accompany us all the way. We LEARN through those relationships and there is ALWAYS a good reason why they don't last. We simply have to move on quickly to get what's waiting for us and it is usually better because we are more experienced to appreciate it and deal with it. There are always two sides to a story and your friends are only hearing your side. It is very important that this side is seen to be fair. You are a really intelligent woman, who lacks self-confidence just now. Please use that talent positively and you will rise above insecure guys like that. Give thanks for his attention, wallow in the negativity for just ONE day or one week, no more, wish him well and move on. You will be all the better for it. Better still, you will look even more attractive to the next person as you won't be tempted to carry on about your experience.
Article Source: http://www.lovedatingguide.com
ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONSULTANT for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on www.amazon.co.uk). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"
Article Source: EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elaine_SiheraEzineArticles.com/?How-Should-I-React-if-I-Catch-My-Boyfriend-Cheating?&id=465468
Please Rate this Article
5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5
Not yet Rated
