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Margaret Paul, Ph.D.'s Articles in Relationships

  • "I Just Want to Explain" - Explaining as a Form of Control
    "My husband never lets me explain anything to him It's so frustrating
  • "We Can't Communicate"
    What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"

    The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate
  • Avoiding Your Feelings by Focusing on Your Partner
    We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes
  • Conflict: Why Do You Argue, Why Do You Fight in Conflict?
    Think about the last time you had a conflict with someone and you argued - with your partner, your friend, your parent, your child, or someone else in your life

    What did you argue about, and why did you spend your energy arguing or fighting
  • Connecting With Loved Ones
    As social beings, our desire for connection is a deep and powerful force within us Babies who do not experience connection with a caregiver do not thrive or may even die
  • Emotional Intimacy
    Experiencing emotional intimacy with others is one of the most satisfying experiences of life Emotional intimacy, or a sense of deep connection with another person or a group of people, occurs when each person is completely open hearted and devoted to taking 100% responsibility for their own feelings and needs
  • Forgiveness: Acceptance And Letting Go
    Have you ever noticed the difference in people who are able to easily let go of resentment and forgive, and those who stay in anger and blame

    What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and resentment are often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices
  • Getting Love, Being Loving
    Take a moment right now to think about your real intention when it comes to love:

    * Is it most important to you to get someone to love you - to get love

    * Is it more important to you to be a loving person - to give love to yourself and others
  • Getting Love, Being Loving
    Take a moment right now to think about your real intention when it comes to love:

    * Is it most important to you to get someone to love you - to get love

    * Is it more important to you to be a loving person - to give love to yourself and others
  • High Maintenance Relationships
    What is a high maintenance relationship A high maintenance relationship is when someone is making you responsible for him or her in various different areas of life
  • How Can I Stop Feeling Jealous?
    "I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot of women friends I don't get why he has to have so many women friends
  • Is Your Partner Always Pointing Out Your Flaws?
    Some people believe that it is caring to point out their partner's flaws - that it will help to make that person a better person But the intent behind pointing out flaws is not loving - it is controlling
  • Is Your Relationship Suffering From Emotional Infidelity?
    Emotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside your relationship, either in person or on the Internet

    How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity
  • It's All About Love!
    What is life REALLY all about It's all about love
  • Love: Is This Romance or is This Friendship?
    James, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children After dating many women, he met Cindy
  • Real Love: What is Real Love?
    Most people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is Take a moment to think about how you would define real love
  • Relationship Advice: Be Willing To Have Your Partner Be Upset With You
    As a relationships counselor, I often work with people who are unhappy in their relationship and thinking of leaving They believe that they are unhappy because of their partner, but the real reason is that they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings within the relationship
  • Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and Healing
    Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr
  • Relationships: Empathy Vs. Responsibility For Feelings
    William grew up with a mother who was depressed much of her life As the oldest of three children with a father who was not around much, William took on a lot of responsibility for his mother's wellbeing
  • Relationships: Giving Yourself Up Can Kill You
    Years ago, when on a book tour for our book, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You", my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends
  • Relationships: Letting Go of Problem Solving
    "We never seem to be able to solve any problems," Kaylee told me in a phone session "Every time we sit down to solve a problem, we end up fighting
  • Relationships: The Art of Listening
    In 1974, Dr Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy
  • Relationships: The Dance of Victims and Perpetrators
    "He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it's my controlling him that is making him so angry He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal with his own feelings
  • Relationships: The Power of Good Will
    Research into good marriages indicates that the most important choice healthy couples make is to have good will toward each other This may seems like a simple requirement, yet many couples have anything but good will toward each other
  • Relationships: Why Do You Attack and Blame?
    "A woman who I was dating and who I really liked ended our relationship and is dating someone else I see her all the time at the market and I feel like yelling at her
  • Safety With an Open Heart
    Do you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others
  • The Silent Treatment
    Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored

    When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse
  • Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse - Overt and Covert
    Our society is filled with verbal and emotional abuse, from radio and TV commentators and presidential candidates, to parents, educators, employers and managers As Patricia Evans states in "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", the old adage, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me," is not at all true
  • When is it Helpful to Apologize?
    "When it is helpful to apologize" asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions
  • When Not To Start A Relationship
    Have you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced Are you thinking about dating again
  • When Someone Rejects You, Who Are They Rejecting?
    The fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship
  • Why Do You Blame?
    Take a moment to think about who you blame for your feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, aloneness, emptiness, loneliness, helplessness, inadequacy, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, and so on What is really going on inside when you blame someone else for your feelings

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